


Sig O

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-28
Updated: 2008-10-01
Packaged: 2018-09-08 01:36:11
Rating: Teen & Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8825017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: You know, they say that there is someone for everyone. But what do you do if your someone is taken?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** DEDICATION: To my old friend turned new once more; the lovely Jensen, so aptly nicknamed after the *gorgeous* man from whose point of view this story is told... Sort of. It's third person, but also his POV... Read it, you'll get it. Love Love

TITLE: Sig O

 

RATING: T for language and future chapters will likely be worse.

 

SUMMARY: You know, they say that there is someone for everyone. But what do you do if your someone is taken?

 

DEDICATION: To my old friend turned new once more; the lovely Jensen, so aptly nicknamed after the *gorgeous* man from whose point of view this story is told... Sort of. It's third person, but also his POV... Read it, you'll get it. Love Love

 

\-----

 

Prologue

 

\-----

 

Jensen sighed and stomped childishly to his trailer. He and Jared always ate lunch together. ALWAYS. But lately, it seemed that Sandy (Even in his mind he said her name with disgust.) always knew when to call Jared just as they were given a break.

 

Oh, how he hated that girl. Well, no; actually that was the problem. It would be so much easier if he did. But he didn't, couldn't in fact. No matter how hard he tried, Sandy was like a puppy. They piddle on the rug and destroy the house, and you get pissed and then just wanna hug 'em 'cause they're so damn cute.

 

He sighed and sat down at his laptop.

 

He was really disappointing himself on this one. How cliché is it to want to hate the person-that-you're-in-love-with's significant other?

 

He booted up the computer and scrubbed his face with his hand. It was time for some good old fashioned purging of the soul. He quickly loaded his on line journal and went to town. 

 

Jensen wasn't a stupid man, he didn't put his or Jared's name anywhere on the thing, and he didn't use a big site that a lot of people knew, he also didn't leave any details about work that could get him linked to Supernatural; because god damn their fangirls were insane. For all he knew if he mentioned the type of gravel behind set they would know where he was and piece the whole damn thing together.

 

More reviews... People were becoming more and more interested in his angst ridden non existent love life. He sighed and started to type. 

 

“She came by again today, and the more she does; the more I hate her and the more JP falls in love with her, and the more I see him happy, so the more I like her. It's killing me-”

 

Jensen looked up sharply as his trailer door slammed open. “Jensen, man; you won't believe it!”

 

Jensen's smile was anything but forced. Jared had way of just walking into a room and making him smile, “What won't I believe?”

 

Jared's smile lit up his entire face, “I'm gonna ask Sandy to marry me!”

 

Jensen's face froze, his heart stopped and so did his breathing, “You... You're what?”

 

“I know! It's crazy, but she called and said that she missed me so much that she was actually at the airport because she was catching a flight up here. And I was thinking about how much I wanted her to see me and then I was thinking about how if she stayed here I could see her all the time, and then I wouldn't have to miss her, and she's gonna be up here, and tomorrow's the last day of filming before hiatus and the timing seems right and... I don't know! It's crazy, but it just feels right!”

 

Jensen felt himself being pulled up into a hug and then watched as Jared walked out, “I'll catch you, later, man.”

 

Jensen sat down hard in his seat, his finger's typed out the reality he couldn't comprehend. “He's going to ask her to marry him.”


	2. Chapter One

  
Author's notes: Ohmigod! I SUCK!

I know I should have updated sooner, brussle sprouts for me, I know; I deserve it. Real life just happened to get in the way for a while. I tried to write, but I was feelin' really emo and Jensen always seemed to end up almost killing himself and that just didn't work for me.

And then I fell for a girl... Hard. And that seem to get in the way of writing a good ol' fashioned emo!Jensen.

But I know how to work it now. loveLoveLOVE you all!

MWAH!  


* * *

THREE MONTHS LATER

 

Jensen sighed and rolled over in his bed. Filming started again today... That meant that as much as he avoided Jared between season's was no longer an option. "Damn" he muttered, his phone chirping on his bedside table.

 

It was Jared. Shock.

 

He sighed and tossed it back before pulling the cover over his head. He would swear that his eyes had just slammed shut when the phone rang, without removing the cover from his head he pulled the handset next to his ear and growled, "Five more minutes," and chucked it out again.

 

\-----

 

Jensen wandered onto set right on time, he wasn't stupid. 

 

Shannon and Jeanie's jaw dropped. "Um, Jensen... Wow, hi." Jensen glared at her, it was way to freakin' early to deal with this crap. 

 

Shannon cut in to take the heat of Jeanie, "I guess we've got our work cut out for us today..."

 

"Isn't it your job to do this?" Jensen asked sarcastically as he slid into Jeanie's chair.

 

"Well, yeah, but geeze..." Jeanie looked at him in the reflection, "Have you even gotten a haircut since we wrapped up last season?"

 

"No," Jensen scrubbed a hand over his face, "But doesn't that just mean you can make it look like it's supposed to?"

 

"I... Yeah, I guess so..." Jeanie struggled to get the words out, and then looked at Shannon who shrugged. This was not Jensen; not the man they were used to. This man was broken, he had at least three days worth of stubble on his face, huge bags under his eyes, and his hair was long and shaggy, his shirt was wrinkled as were his jeans. She bit her lip, but didn't try to talk to him as she started on his hair. 

 

After she was done cutting it to Dean's style, she reached to grab the gel and Jared walked in. "Ladies!" he smiled, pulling Shannon into a hug and releasing her to hug Jeanie as well. Jensen's spine stiffened, straightening him from the slouch he'd been in all morning.

 

Jeanie laughed and stumbled back when he released her. She waited for Jensen to acknowledge Jared... But he didn't.

 

Jared looked at Jensen, and the huge smile he'd been sporting slipped slowly from his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but then shook his head and turned back to Shannon. "Have you got me first then?" he asked with a huge grin.

 

Shannon nodded, "I'm gonna do your foundation and then you and Jensen are gonna switch seats." Jared bounded over and flopped into the seat, smiling a smile that didn't reach his eyes when she whispered something in his ear. Jensen gritted his teeth and refused to look in his direction as Jeanie styled his hair.

 

After a few minutes, Jensen was done. He remained in his seat until Shannon was done with Jared's foundation. He waited until Jared stood up before vacating his own chair, as they walked past each other, Jensen knew that Jared was going to search his face for answers so he kept his face down.

 

\-----

 

Make-up took forever, and Jensen had to go straight to the costume trailer when he was done. He opened the door and walked to his rack. He rifled through the outfits until he found the one that was marked with today's first scene pinned to it. He had just pulled it off the rack when he heard something behind him. He spun on his heal, and was absolutely gobs macked by the vision in front of him.

 

There was about an inch of blue plaid boxer showing above the unbuttoned jeans that were slung low on Jared's hips. He didn't even have a shirt in hand as he stopped walking behind Jensen.

 

Jensen swallowed hard, and schooled his face blank as Jared spoke, "Jen, what's going on with you?"

 

"Nothing, Jared. Why do you ask?" Jensen's tone was bored and monotone.

 

"Why do...?" Jared forced a fake laugh. "Are you kidding me with this? You look like crap, and did you just call me Jared?"

 

"That is your name?"

 

Jared scoffed, "You haven't called me Jared in ages, it's always Jay or Jare... JT if you're pissed at me; so cut the crap would you? Tell me what's going on."

 

Jensen shook his head.

 

"What; there isn't anything wrong, or you can't talk to me?"

 

Jensen looked up into Jared's eyes, saying the words that he knew would shatter his already broken heart and pain Jared just as much, "I can't talk to you." He pushed past the man he loved before he could see the hurt flicker onto his face.

 

\-----

 

Jensen got onto set first, climbing into the impala and waiting for Jared to make his appearance. He schooled his face into one of Dean's. Jared climbed in, and Jensen couldn't help but hope that it was Sam brand "Emo" radiating from the man folded into the seat next to him.

 

One of the interns rushed unto Jensen's window, "We're having some tech diffs, you guys are supposed to stay put."

 

Jensen groaned as the kid rushed away before he could protest, and crossed his arm on the wheel laying his head on them.

 

Jared shifted uncomfortably on the seat and moved closer to the door, Jensen noticed, staring at the knee that was just barely in his view. 

 

He studied that knee, the only thing he could. He couldn't bear to look at Jared, couldn't hear his voice. Didn't want to know if they had gotten married, if they'd broken up.

 

He wanted Jay to be happy, but... He wanted to be the reason Jay was happy. Jared. The reason Jared was happy. Not that he was still in love with him or anything.

 

He'd spent the last three fuckin' months detoxing, trying to get the oh-so addictive JTP drug out of his system... And it didn't even work. Every day the only time he smile was right when he woke up... Because that was only time he allowed his mind to play the trick on him that Jared was laying next to him, the reason they were both happy.

 

And the second he saw that giant of a man... Those three months of pain were nothing compared to the pain he felt seeing him again, and knowing that he couldn't touch him.

 

Jensen felt the seat buzz underneath him and heard Jared sigh and answer his phone a moment later, "Hello? ... Oh, Hey.... No, something's wrong... We just aren't filming yet... No, I can't come home... Because I'm stuck in the impala... I do normally like the impala... Because it's an awesome car... Hey... Hey! Do not insult the impala, the impala is beautiful... Well, if it were allowed who's to say I wouldn't marry the impala? ... (Jensen could practically hear the eye-roll Jared gave) ... No, it was a joke... A joke... I'm sorry, you're right... No, it wasn't funny... No, you're right... Well, I said stuck because... No, I am stuck... Because I can't leave?... No, I can't... No, I can't... Because I can't... Because... Because I'm stuck. In. The. Impala!... Because they told me I couldn't leave... Or, I could not just leave... Because this is my job? ... Because my boss told me not to leave, Sandy... No... Sandy, knock it off!... ... ... (Jensen strained to hear Jared's next words) No, we haven't talked... (Jared's voice got even more quiet) Because he won't talk to me... No, I don't know why he ignored me... No, I don't think we had a fight... We did not have a lover's quarrel! (Jensen held back a flinch as Jared's voice got louder at the end of his sentence, but he quieted down again) ... Well, stop saying we had a lover's quarrel and I'll stop getting mad! ... Sandy! Get over it!... Well, I only told you that because... Sandy, stop! ... Stop! ... God, Sandy!" Jared snapped his phone shut and tucked it back into his pocket.

 

Jensen lifted his head and looked at Jared, face carefully blank, "Why does she think we had a 'lovers quarrel'?"

 

"She's just trying to make a joke..." Jared's voice was oddly strangled, as if he knew what was coming next.

 

"What did you tell her?"

 

"Okay, guys! We're good to go! Action!"

 

Jensen gritted his teeth, and looked at Jared after a pause, his eyebrows rising towards his hair line, "This isn't over."

 

"Of course not, Dean; it's never over, is it?" But even as they were speaking as Sam and Dean, they both knew it was really Jensen to Jared. 

 

\-----

 

"What did you tell her?" Jensen growled, slamming Jared into the wall, his hands clenched in his jacket.

 

"Nothing!"

 

Jensen pushed his forearm into Jared's throat, "WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?!!"

 

"NOTHING!!"

 

"Bull! I know you told her something!"

 

Jared squirmed, "What did you want me to do, she asked me about you!"

 

"Then you should have lied!"

 

"I DON'T LIE ABOUT YOU!"

 

Jensen stepped back, breathing hard as Jared did the same thing, "Well, maybe you should learn."

 

Jared looked at him, a hand at his throat as he looked at Jensen. "That's not gonna happen."

 

Jensen shook his head angrily., keeping his voice low and menacing, "What. Did. You. Tell. Her."

 

Jared looked at him, "I just told her..."

 

"Stop stalling! WHAT DID YOU SAY!"

 

"I told her you loved me, okay! I told her you loved me, you stupid son of a bitch!"

 

Jensen looked at him, face blank and turned, walking out of the room, "Good-bye, Sammy."

 

"AND CUT!" Echoed out across set as Jensen grabbed the door handle, "THAT'S A WRAP!"

 

Jensen rolled his head on his neck. This damn scene was way to fucking close for comfort. 

 

Jared walked up behind him, and Jensen fought the urge to melt against him. "Grab a beer?"

 

Jensen nodded without turning, "Hell yeah."

 

\-----

 

Jared grimaced and slid the shot glass across the table. Jensen lifted his eyes from the beer he was nursing and raised a brow. "What's up?"

 

"Sandy."

 

Jensen had to fight to unclench his jaw. "Ah."

 

"She's driving me crazy."

 

Jensen's tongue felt too big for his mouth as he fought to get his next words out. He didn't want Sandy in the picture, but he sure as hell didn't want Jared hurting either. "What's up?"

 

Jared looked at him, jade eyes burning with emotion, "If I tell you, will you tell me what crawled up your ass and died?"

 

Jensen's mouth filled with coppery fear, "Maybe."

 

Jared sighed and sat back, "Closest I'm gonna get to a yes?" He smiled a little when Jensen nodded. "Sandy said no."

 

Jensen's eyebrow's flew off his head, heart stopped, "Wait, what?"

 

"When I asked her to marry me, she said no."

 

"She said..."

 

"No."

 

"I... What?!" Jared nodded. "But she called you today?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"So...the break up was amicable?"

 

"Oh, we didn't break up. Well, no, we did, but it was only for like five minutes during the argument and then we got back together and didn't get engaged."

 

"The argument?"

 

"Oh, right," Jared said sadly, "You stopped talking to me before asked her."

 

"Sorry..." Jensen breathed, his own heart aching.

 

Jared waved off the apology, "I asked her and she... She laughed," Jared scoffed, "She said she didn't know that's what we were heading for. Didn't know that that's what the relationship would end with."

 

"End with?" Jensen asked, "How the fuck is marriage the end of a relationship?"

 

Jared laughed, but there was no humor. Perhaps being drunk wasn't the time to go through all this, Jensen realized, but knew that there was no stopping them now. At least the bar was crowded and no one would over hear. Jared's self-deprecating laugh trailed off, "That's what I said. And she said of course that was the end of the relationship because it stopped Sandy and Jared and it started being we and them." Jared scooped Jensen's beer from his hand and took a pull. "I made the mistake of laughing."

 

Jensen hissed, pulling a breath in through his teeth and motioning for another round. Jared's head bobbed in a sad excuse for a nod, "Pretty much. So, I said it was over and if we weren't on the same page then there was no reason for us to continue. And then we did the whole 'Fine. Fine! FINE!' thing."

 

"Ouch."

 

"Mmhmm. And then she grabbed my arm when I was leaving and turned me around and kissed me and asked me not to leave angry and she didn't want to stop being Sandy and Jared, she just didn't want to be we and them."

 

"Oh..."

 

"Right. So I said, well; I want to marry someone. I want to show the world that I want to show the world that I love that one person and that I will until the end of time." Jensen nodded, schooling his features blank again and thanked the waitress as she brought them two more beers. "And she said she could learn to want that...

 

"And at the time, I thought that was good enough; I thought that was what I wanted, thought I loved her that much. Enough to wait."

 

"At the time...?" Jensen asked, not having any idea where the hell this was going.

 

"I really thought I loved her, Jen. I mean, I did love her. I do love her..."

 

Jared trailed off and Jensen waited an agonizingly long time before saying, "But...?"

 

"But now... I mean, since then, the past three months have been hell. And she and I are on the wrong page again. Only this time?" He looked at Jensen. "I think it's me." He sighed and grabbed his new beer, putting Jensen's now empty bottle on the table. "She's been dropping all these hints about wanting to get married and I keep making random jokes about other things-"

 

"Like the impala," Jensen said, understanding why that had gotten under Sandy's skin. 

 

"Like the impala," Jared repeated. "At first, I think Sandy thought I was doing so I could surprise her with a proposal... But now... I think she's starting to wonder where we stand... And she hasn't asked me, and I have to admit... I'm glad, because I don't have an answer."

 

\-----

 

Jensen sighed as he booted up his computer. He rubbed his eyes as the screen illuminated the room.

 

Every day for the past three months, he's been writing about his broken heart. Tonight he he finally had something new to write. Hope.

 

It killed him. Every time he pieced his heart back together it was shattered into smaller and smaller pieces.

 

He logged on and went to grab another beer as it loaded.

 

He twisted off the top and tossed it over his shoulder onto the counter as he walked to his computer room. He quickly logged onto his journal. He paused a moment before starting to type. The people who read and reviewed his journal were little friends to him. He was learning to love them; they were the only ones that knew his secrets.

 

"Well, loyal fans... Finally news. I saw him today. The wonderful JP. Not only did I see him, but we talked. 

 

"S said no. (Stop cheering, it's not that simple.) S said no, but she and JP are still together. But it's not that simple either. JP doesn't know if he loves her anymore. And I don't know what to tell him. 

 

"More than anything, I want him happy. And if I'm not what's going to make him happy, then I don't want to stand in his way, or tell him not to be with S in the rare chance that he'll finally see me as a potential lover... But at the same time, it kills me to tell him to keep giving him advice that seems to lead him to her..."

 

Jensen trailed off in his head and on the screen. The cursor blinked menacingly. 

 

He sat back and took a pull of beer, studying it. He laid his hands on the keys again.

 

"He never told me why S thought JP and I had a lover's quarrel."


	3. Chapter Two

  
Author's notes: Short, I know, but!! I think it works, and I'm already working on the next bit.

* * *

Jared looked good in white. 

 

Jensen sat up in bed, what the hell? How was that his first thought? He shrugged. Who knows... What he does know is that Jared looked good in white.

 

He would wear a white tuxedo... With a black shirt, and an olive green vest and bow-tie and handkerchief. He wouldn't have a cummerbund, because Jensen knew that Jared ate so much candy that he was paranoid about having a pooch... Even though he had one of the hottest... No, the hottest body that Jensen had ever seen.

 

Jensen pulled the sheet from his waist and logged onto his journal again.

 

"I had the dream again. The one where JP and I get married. He would wear white, not because he's the girl but because the white makes his skin pop and he would wear an olive green vest because it's my favorite color and he wants to wear my favorite.

 

"I would wear black... A classic black tuxedo with an Azure silk shirt and a black tie. But I would have an azure handkerchief, too. And the bridesmaids would have on azure trimmed dresses and the best men would have olive green trims...

 

"The flowers would be azure dyed white roses and there would be two inch olive green ribbons tied around them..."

 

Jensen looked out the window, and knew he was smiling. "Wow," he typed, "I am so gay.

 

"More later, have to go to work. And to JP."

 

He exited the internet explorer and stood up. He really was so gay... Next thing he knew he'd be throwing "Fab-u-lous!!!" into everyday conversation.

 

He stood up and walked over to a pair of jeans he'd tossed on the floor. "Why a fuckin' lover's quarrel?" 

 

And his good mood was gone.

 

\-----

 

"Ow, shit," Jensen spun at the cursed words. Jared was bent, rubbing his thigh as he swore again.

 

"Jay? What's... What did you do?"

 

"I ran into..." Jared looked around blearily, "...something."

 

"Are you..." Jensen trailed off, there was no way! " _Drunk?!!_ "

 

"Yes... I think I am." Jensen caught the drawl this time, realizing that it wasn't because he was tired but because his co-star was -literally- falling down drunk. "Mother fuck..."

 

Jared started laughing. "Sandy broke up with me, told me she read something... Don' know what... Woudn' tell me... And I didn't even try and stop her, Jen. I just watched her pack... And then... I started to mess around on the computer, I was drunk... After I went home, she was pissed that I came home drunk and then..." He rubbed his mouth, "And she got... she yelled at me and pushed me into the bedroom... Tol' me to sleep it off..."

 

Jared laughed again, drunken giggles, "And then, a few hours ago... She came back into the bedroom an' started yellin' and hollerin' an'... An' she said she... Said she read somthin' tha' made her wonder... An' she she said tha' she was tired... Of being secon' fiddle to my show and my friends... Said tha' didn't make sense tha' I was worried about you all hiatus an' never paid attention to her... An' she's right, I didn'... I shoulda... But I didn'... And she jus' kep' yellin' and yellin' an'... An' then she asked... She asked me what I had to say about everything... And I just... Walked away... Got a beer... An' she left an' I jus'... Well, I drank... A lot..."

 

"Well, that much is clear," Jensen muttered, walking his friend into the make-up trailer.

 

Jared laughed, "You're funny... Did you know tha'? 'Cause you are... An' then I walked into the living room an' I saw the computer... And I saw what she read... An' I started reading it... And she's righ'... Abou' ev'rythin'... She was righ'... Stupid, stupid... Why didn' I see it? Why couldn' I see it, Jen? I could never see it... But I see it now... It's right there..."

 

Jensen spun as he heard the door open. "Fuck..." It wasn't Shannon, or Jeanie, no it had to be Kripke, just friggin' had to be.

 

"Tell me it's not true."

 

Jared started laughing, Jensen ran a hand through his hair, "Okay, I won't tell you."

 

"They call you "God", Eric... The fangirls... They call you 'God'..." He burst into giggles again.

 

"Why the hell is he drunk this early in the morning?"

 

"Sandy... She dumped him."

 

"Oh... Um... Right, take him home, get him sober, you guys are gonna work until next Thursday, no breaks. Get him out of my sight."

 

Jensen sighed and looked over his shoulder at Jared.

 

"Hey Jen? Hey Jen... Jen?"

 

"What?"

 

Jared pulled his eyes opened and yawned, when he spoke again it all came out as a rush, and then he passed out, "WhendidItellyoumyfavoritecolorwasazure?"

 

Jensen stared at him for a moment, trying to decipher the drunken code.

 

_When did I... Tell you my favorite color was... **azure**._

 

Shit.


	4. Chapter Three

  
Author's notes: Another short one, I suck. But see, I had this great idea -that I have to plot out a bit better before I can let it make an apearance in the fic. I'm so sorry! But please, enjoy this while I plot!

\-----  


* * *

He just had to get that stupid azure line out before he passed out, didn't he? 

 

Jensen was pacing. Jensen was pacing in his own friggin' living room, and that... Well, that was just not fair. He looked at Jared's unconscious form again.

 

That was so not fair.

 

Jared, if it was at all possible, looked even more awesome when he was asleep.

 

And that should not be allowed. Jensen was in show biz, the business that was literally founded on good looks. And Jared was the prettiest damn guy Jensen had ever scene. He was tall, and trim, but not gawky or over-muscled... His eyes weren't some shocking color, but they were mesmerizing His hair wasn't perfect, but it was on him. His nose was pointy and he had moles on his face, his teeth were almost too white... And yet... It was as if all these generally perceived flaws made him that much more attractive in Jensen's eyes.

 

Jensen knew that people thought he was gorgeous. But it's easier to believe the bad stuff, the stuff he saw when he looked in the mirror. The crinkles around his eyes that made him look older, the freckles that marred his skin, the way he used his eye brows too much. The way he was slightly bowl-legged. The way the light would make him look like his head was super-imposed on someone else's body if the light his him dead on...

 

He knew that he was being stupid, that no one could see their own attractiveness and generally if they could, they were real pains in the asses; Case in point? Chad Michael Murray -And Chad was really not all that attractive.

 

But that was just his opinion. He spun on his heel again and looked at Jared; beautiful, unconscious Jared.

 

He sighed, he needed to vent. He needed to vent like a mother fuck.

 

He walked down the hall and shoved the mouse. The monitor slowly came back to life and he quickly logged onto his on line journal.

 

"Well, this is an interesting turn of events.

 

"I still don't know why it was called a lover's quarrel, but on the flip side S found my blog and broke up with JP.

 

"JP, who (even in his drunken haze) heard her mention reading something, and happened upon their computer... Which had my blog still on the screen.

 

"It almost makes me wonder how long S had been reading this before pointing it out to JP.

 

"Like, I wonder if she maybe just finally got the idea that maybe -just maybe- I wasn't going anywhere and neither were my feelings. Because for the past three months I've been talking about how I would never let myself feel anything for JP again, and that I would never ever act on them and then last night... 

 

"Well, last night, JP and I went out to grab a couple beers after work, but during the day he and S had gotten in a fight... And he didn't tell her he was going out with me.

 

"While we were out, I finally got to hear about how S had broken his heart, how she had turned him down -Friggin' laughed at his proposal....

 

"I guess he went home and got bitched out because she was tired of "playing second fiddle to his work and his friends"... How stupid is that?

 

"I mean, JP has been slowly loosing his faith in their relationship, but he was sticking with it because he didn't want to make a mistake. Didn't want to fuck everything up.

 

"And he did love her... Back before he realized that she didn't love him back. Back before he realized that she probably never had. Because when you love someone, no matter how little, if you actually love them... You don't laugh at their proposal...."

 

Jensen sighed and sat back in his chair. He was right, he did need to vent, he wasn't even thinking about the words that were pouring out of him at this point... He was just ranting.

 

"And another thing...!"

 

\-----

 

By the time he was done, over an hour had passed, the words that he didn't know he'd been bottling up spilling out of him in a vicious acidic mass...

 

He looked at it, and laid his finger on the back space key.

 

As soon as his computer dinged, letting him know that there was nothing else to delete he lifted his hands back to the keys.

 

"S found my blog and dumped JP...

 

"JP got drunk and found my blog...

 

"JP is passed out on my couch, and we haven't yet talked about anything other than the fact that she dumped him.

 

"How do I know that he read it?

 

"Simple.

 

"He asked me how I knew his favorite color."


	5. Chapter Four

Jensen stared at the monitor before him and shook his head. He wasn't sure why he was still using it. After Sandy found it, he really had no reason for it...

 

"Hey," Jared croaked quietly from the door-way.

 

Jensen spun in his computer chair, practically falling out of it as he did. He re-adjusted himself, and could feel the blush start creeping up his neck. A smile tugged at the corners or Jared's mouth. "How're you feeling?"

 

Jared shrugged, "My mouth feels dry, like I just sucked on a pillow for a few hours, but other than that...? I'm fine."

 

Jensen shook his head, he always forgot that the lucky bastard didn't get hang-overs. "Right, well... Good." He fidgeted awkwardly under Jared's serious gaze.

 

"Jen, why didn't you tell me?"

 

Jensen cocked his head to the side and stood up. "Because it doesn't change anything," he said quietly, walking out of the room.

 

"It doesn't, or you don't want it to?" Jared asked, meeting up with Jensen in the kitchen.

 

"I don't want to be your re-bound guy for so many reason's Jay, probably the same reason's that you want me to be."

 

"What?"

 

"I'm your best-friend, man, so I'll always be here. I'm obviously head-over-ass for you, so you know it would be good..." Jensen slammed the fridge shut and ripped into the chicken package.

 

"So, you think I just want a one night stand?"

 

"You think you don't?"

 

Jared shook his head, "I don't think I do."

 

Jensen grabbed a griddle and turned the stove on, seasoning the chicken and all around buying time. It wasn't like he could just say, 'Oh, yeah?' and sweep the man off his feet. "Why... Why do you say that?"

 

"I've never been a one-night stand kind of guy... I did that once and it fucked everything up," Jared didn't expand, and like always, Jensen didn't ask. "I'm a relationship guy..."

 

"But what makes you think you could make it work with me, Jay?" Jensen used a fork to lay the chicken on the griddle, it started to sizzle pleasantly. "I mean, it would be the first relationship you ever had with a guy, and -more over- it would be the first relationship you'd have to hide from people... And I know you, Jay, you're open and honest... This would be everything you aren't." Jensen flipped th chicken, and turned to look at him. "And it would be hard, and I know you're saying that you want another relationship... But, Jay... You just got out a of a serious relationship because she- _she_ not _he_ \- found a journal of my thoughts about you... It just doesn't sound to me like you want a relationship. It sounds like you want the security... The total security of someone trusting you implicitly, but I don't think that you're ready to give that in return."

 

Jensen lowered the heat on the stove and pulled down a glass bowl. He grabbed a bag of frozen mixed veggies and poured it into the bowl, popping it into the mircowave to cook.

 

"So, what? You don't want to be with me, now? Now that you can have me you don't want me?" Jared laughed harshly, "Jen... Look at you. You brought me home without question and let me sleep it off. And then you started making one of my favorite dinners without even thinking about it..."

 

"Jay... Just because I'm in love with you, and you find that out... It doesn't mean that you love me, too... It just means you're looking for comfort and I'm here... And you know that I want you, I want you so bad it _hurts_ , Jay... But I need you to want me just as bad... I can't just be your rebound guy, Jay." He pulled the veggies out, and slammed the microwave's door. "I can't, Jay... It'll kill me."

 

"What do I need to do to prove to you that I want to give this a shot between us, Jen?"

 

Jensen closed his eyes, "I can't your fall-back, Jay... I can't be your choice just because there isn't anyone else in your mind... I need you to pick me, choose me..."

 

"So... You're saying that I have to go out, sleep with someone I don't really want to and then come back, tell you what I did and then you'll go out with me? Do you know how stupid that sounds?"

 

Jensen looked at him, "Well, when you say it that way..." Jared smiled and moved in for a kiss. Jensen forced himself to turn his head, Jared only caught his cheek. He looked up at at man he loved, and shrugged, "I can't be your fall-back."

 

Jared pulled back and shook his head, "Fine, I'll be back after I fuck a random stranger."

 

Jensen flinched as the door slammed. "That's not what I meant," he muttered, and turned back to the stove. The smell of burnt chicken filled the air. "Damn it." He really couldn't seem to do anything right.


	6. Chapter Five

TITLE: Sig O

 

RATING: T for language and future chapters will likely be worse.

 

SUMMARY: You know, they say that there is someone for everyone. But what do you do if your someone is taken?

 

DEDICATION: To my old friend turned new once more; the lovely Jensen, so aptly nicknamed after the *gorgeous* man from whose point of view this story is told... Sort of. It's third person, but also his POV... Read it, you'll get it. Love Love

 

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Chapter Five

 

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Jensen didn’t bother making himself another dinner after Jared took off angrily. Not that he could blame the other man for being angry, I mean, not really. 

 

Fuck.

 

Did anything make sense anymore? He highly doubted it.

 

He grabbed a six pack, doubting he’d actually drink all the bottles but at the same time it was nice to have the option.

 

His computer was blessedly quick in booting up and logging on to his journal. Many of his avid fans were leaving words of hope and thoughts of the same for him. God, now he even felt like he was letting them down.

 

He stared at the blinking cursor and drained a beer and a half before he could tell them what he’d just done.

 

“J woke up, and I started cooking. Everything was fantastic, going great really. He said he wanted me. 

 

“And then I started talking.” He sighed, draining the rest of his beer and began to confess once more.

 

“I told him that… Somehow he had to choose me, that I couldn’t just be his fall back.

 

“And before you go all torch-and-pitchfork on me, let me explain. 

 

“J and I are best friends, and I do mean best friends, a fact that I am sure you are well aware of. 

 

“As you are also well aware, J is straight. 

 

“I feel like he knows that just because I love him that I’m his fall-back, his rebound. He knows that I would do everything in my power to give him as much pleasure -in and out of the bedroom- as is physically possible. 

 

“I guess, that because he knows that… I have to wonder if he just wants to be with me because I’m so in love with him that the second he got scared, or -more likely- came to his senses, I’d let him bolt. I’d let him walk away because his happiness is so much more important to me than mine is.”

 

“Scary thought, isn’t it?” he said, opening another beer. He set it down without a taste. He had to finish this before he got plastered.

 

“Scary thought, isn’t it?” he typed, echoing his earlier spoken words. “But at the same time, it…

 

“No, it really is just scary.

 

“But since I was idiot enough to make him choose me rather than just have me, he left, angry as hell. He even left me with a parting shot: I’ll be back after I fuck a random stranger.

 

“I don’t even blame him for the words, I brought them and the sentiment on myself,” he took a guilty pull of beer, and sighed, leaning back. As he lifted the bottle to his lips, he heard the door.

 

“I guess J’s pretty quick- He’s home.”

 

Jensen hit the post button and chugged his beer before looking up to see Jared in the doorway.


End file.
